Kathy Grosso
Certified Professional Coach

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No Choice is a Choice

Your car stalls on the railroad tracks.  Everything you try doesn’t work; the car will not start.  You hear the sound of a freight train just rounding the bend and it is bearing down on you rapidly at 55 mph and it cannot stop in time.

You have two options, basically, in this amount of time: 1) Get out of the car, and 2) Stay in the car.  There are consequences to those choices.  If you get out of the car, you live.  If you stay in the car, you die. You have the power to get out of the car and the power to stay in the car.

There is a challenge here.  While you are making up your mind, you are in one of the choices.  You are in the car and you are going to die! For far too long, most people have believed a big, fat lie in the realm of making decisions; making a choice in what to do.  It is, basically, wrapped up in this response most often heard: “Well, I just haven’t made up my mind yet?” The never-verbalized rationale in this statement is simple.  It deludes one into thinking that there is some safe, neutral zone while thinking about it. The reality is otherwise.

No choice is a choice!

So many applications and so little time! The entire concept of change is noteworthy; people resist it and use this lie under the guise of intellectual and reasonable process.  While it is wise to process (calculate and estimate), the wise person processes, knowing that all the time he/she spends in the processing, the same consequences are playing out during it, and will continue until something changes.

The concept of stress is equally noteworthy; people so easily and so quickly blame outside influences, using this lie to stay right where they are, because it is easier to deflect and defer rather than to… change.  Hmmm.  Back to that.

Over the last two decades, “the convenience of inconvenience” has carried the greatest load (share) of most used excuses, yet cleverly disguised (not now) as being extremely diligent and careful.  There is no safe, neutral ground. Either way… you choose.

Navigating Appropriateness

Over the course of time (with many an ouch along the way), I have learned (after many...) to ask myself Five (5) Questions with each encounter.  They are sensible and strategic steps to navigate appropriateness.

1) Who am I ?  Without hesitation, "every choice we make can be traced directly bacerk to who we believe we are".  It is the driving point-of-reference in our decision-making.  Starting here each time, it protects you from acting out of true character; you live IN context and not OUT-of-context.  

2) Where am I ? Everywhere we go, we are living who we are, and with each "where", there is a distinct responsibility of "how" we live who we are.  Standards are linked to each place you go and by remembering where you are, you are properly linked in how to live your role in it.

3) Who am I with ? One of the greatest blessings in life is that we are all different, and that means we have different needs, styles, and preferences.  A person's position is also a true consideration.  This remembered awareness gives you a great advantange; it connects you knowledgeably.

4) What is the best outcome ? An outcome takes place all by itself, but if you would like to get somewhere specific, then, you need to determine it quickly, especially when you want the best.  By asking up front, the mind starts to open up options to pursue.  That mutual purpose is the key at this point.

5) What have I learned that can help me know ?  Bring your Historical Experience into the moment!  You have experienced so much (think about how old you are) and you already have a great degree of connection with whatever it is that is facing you.  Use this expertise and exprerience by drawing from your past. This simple yet sure process helps me chart the right course and stay on course toward the best goal with the right motive.

Positivity Myth 4


Positivity is just easier for some people.


While situations, consequences, and where we are in the maturity process will differ, real Positivity is the result of tough-honest analysis and disciplined-hard choices that everyone experiences. Positivity is not an easy pursuit and it is not a natural process. We all have a natural propensity for selfishness and negativity, and as previously exposed in the number three myth, our emotions run rampant in our face that can fuel the negative process. That being said, the more you choose and live Positivity, the easier it will become. And in time, it will become part of your natural style. By no means does the battle totally end; however, you will get better at it and be more successful in a much shorter period of time.

Positivity Myth 5


One person can’t make a difference.


While together we can accomplish more, one person has made and can still make a difference.

When you take a look at History – and we have over 6,000 years of record – you will notice that there are grand and defining moments in cultures. In those defining moments – and some are positive and some negative – most of the time, if not all, they took place first, and foremost, by one person stating the needed change. From that statement, interestingly enough, three groups are exposed: 1) “Yes… that’s right and I am with you”, 2) “No way, and I will not go along with you”, and 3) “Whatever!”. They were always there, but now, the truth (or the lie) is on the table for choices. One person can change the course of a culture, whether it is a nation, community, or workplace.

It is not by virtue of “making” people do anything, but rather living in a manner that influences and impacts the people around so they see and choose the difference. We are contagious! And it is either in a positive way or a negative way. This does not guarantee a change by others, but it has taken place in history and can still take place today. It will take time, but a right-positive change begins with one person choosing to be it and do it.

Example: William Wilberforce (1759-1833); leader of the movement to abolish the slave trade in the United Kingdom. It took forty years, but it started by him living it and standing and speaking it. Our own country – the United States Of America – came alive in much the same way; someone rose to the challenge and spoke the truth, and we are living the results of that utterance in Positivity.

Positivity Myth 3


Positivity depends on how I feel.

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While emotions are a force to be reckoned with and they can at times enhance what we do, we cannot allow ourselves the luxury of waiting around for the right feeling(s) to arrive before we choose the right attitude and pursue the right performance for the right outcomes. Positivity is a chosen mind-set, and is not dependent upon how you feel. Emotions are real data, but they are not a plan of action. They are fickle and feckless; untrustworthy and unpredictable and can change on a whim. Most of the time (because negative emotions run rampant and are most prevalent), emotions must be controlled in the process of choosing Positivity. Positivity is a pursuit of the best, and in that pursuit, the right emotions will track and help move us past our previous constraints… positively.